Bleach: Backstage
by The Epsilon Key
Summary: Sosuke Aizen is your simple everyday actor/director. Sure he plays the villain in one of the most popular anime series to date. So? It's okay if every day he gets death threats from every Gin fan out there. Sure why not, Aizen's life is perfectly normal.


**_A/N: I had this idea..._**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach; everything used is a property of Tite Kubo..._**

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><p>"Hey woman! Come here and fix my back!"<p>

"R-right!"

Orihime towards Kenpachi her hair clips already glowing to heal the numerous scars, cuts and bruises that were inflicted all across the crazed captain's body. She didn't get far though, for as soon she was a good foot away from Ichigo a tall brown-haired arrancar appeared out of thin air.

"I really hate to be doing this..."

Kenpachi and Ichigo charged, letting their instincts take over their thoughts, but their instincts were too slow.

"..but I'm going to borrow her."

At the last second the arrancar disappeared, just before Kenpachi and Ichigo made their assault, all that was left was a cloud of sand-

"OW! MY HEAD!"

Or so we thought.

"CUT!"

The sand cloud disappeared, revealing the arrancar (who was now clutching his head in pain), and Orihime who was now smiling sheepishly. The director marched down onto the set, his haired was slicked back, with one long curl hanging on from the top of his face. A name tag that read 'SOSUKE AIZEN' in bold letters was clipped on his collared shirt.

"Why do we have to go through this every day Starrk?"

"We wouldn't have this problem, if the orange haired dumbass here knew how to hold a fucking sword!" Starrk yelled back furiously.

Aizen pinched the bridge of his nose; every single day on the set went exactly like this. The all of the scenes that they filmed would go smoothly, until they got to the last one. Each time some one would get hurt, and then they would just quit for the day and refilm it perfectly the next day.

Aizen looked at Ichigo, only to find him frantically searching the ground for something.

"Ichigo what are you doing this time?"

"I'm looking for my contacts; they got knocked out after the scene with Nnoitra!" Ichigo panted.

"Note to self: Schedule laser eye surgery for Ichigo" Aizen muttered under his breath, "Alright folks! That's a wrap, we'll continue this the week after next, until then you have free-time!"

Everyone in the studio cheered and began running out the room.

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><p>It had been two hours since Aizen announced the week's vacation for every single person who worked for the show "Bleach". It was one the biggest and most popular show all aroundJapan, since it held the title of one of the Famous Five! The others of the group included "One Piece", "Full Metal Alchemist", "Naruto" and last but not least "Dragon Ball" which was the most famous and popular of the group, but that's not really important right now.<p>

Coyote Richard Starrk jumped onto his bed face-first, he had been feeling light-headed ever since Ichigo hit him in the skull. He had just gotten back from the medical wing to patch up his head to stop all of the bleeding.

"Finally..." Starrk sighed, closing his eyes. "... with this break I can finally get some much needed *yawn* rest."

Starrk closed his eyes letting all of his thoughts turn into dreams, those thoughts only lasted for so long as a large clutter a footsteps we're heard coming up-stairs.

"DAD!"

_"So much for sleep..." _Starrk thought as he sat up.

Suddenly the door swung open as a green blur tackled him from the front and knocked him out of his bed and then proceeded to jump on his stomach. A small girl with light green hair and pink eyes popped in front of his face, a large smile plastered on her face.

"Hey Lilynette..."

"Dad, why didn't you tell me that you came home?" Lilynette pouted.

"It's been a long day... anyways is mom here?"

Lilynette shook her head vigorously, her head in danger of snapping off.

"No. Mom went to the bank one hour after you left, she said she had something to do at the bank!"

"O.K...Wait a minute. If she left, who was watching you while I was gone?"

"Aunt Apache came over as soon as mom left, something about her house burning down and moving in with us."

Starrk inwardly cursed, if there was one thing worse than leaving Lilynette home alone, it was having any of his demon sister-in-laws spending the night. Every single time the came over his house there was some sort of drama. The last time one them came over was when Mila-Rose broke up with her boyfriend. To make a long story short, Starrk complained, got yelled at and was forced to find the nearest supermarket that was open to get five tubs of ice cream. Oh well, at least this time it was just one...or so he thought.

_"Whatever, as long as she doesn't curse me out for and I quote "A GODDAMN FUCKING PERVERT" I'm cool with it."_

"Oh yeah, Aunt Mila and Aunt Sun-Sun were living with Aunt Apache weren't they?"

Starrk sank to the floor, right now he was wishing he was back in the infirmary with his wound still open. Starrk's thoughts were suddenly halted as loud crashing came from downstairs.

_"What now!"_

Starrk walked downstairs narrowly dodging a flying vase thrown in his direction, the minute he recovered he wished he had ignored the noise and just sat upstairs with Lilynette and played some stupid game like 'wall ball'. The living was in words said by Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez himself, was much more twisted than Aizen's bitch curl. Somehow the microwave ended up inside Starrk's fresh bought 3D T.V. Pizza boxes was hanging from chandeliers, and there was pepperoni splattered onto the ceiling.

_"Oh man Halibel's gonna be pissed when she sees the chande- IS THAT MY 3D T.V.! NO! NO! WHY MUST THEY DESTROY SOMETHING PRECIOUS TO ME EVERY TIME THEY VISIT?"_

Starrk was furious, on the inside he was tearing his hair out to a style reminiscent of Yammy Llargo's, but on the outside his face maintained the lazy expression.

"Can someone please tell me **_WHY _**there is a microwave in my new T.V?" Starrk asked restraining the urge the pick the nearest came controller and hang them from their tongues.

Apache dropped the turkey baster she was trying to stab Mila-Rose with and walked over to Starrk-punching him in the arm. Needless to say Starrk was not happy.

"Oh Starrk, there you are you lazy bum! Anyways, Ms. BITCH over here sai-"

"Ah, bup-bup... I don't want to hear it from you. I want to hear it from someone sensibl- no not you Mila, Loly I doubt that you even payed attention to anything that happened. Menoly, my most sensible daughter if you please?"

Menoly sighed brushing her hair back that same way her father did when he was frustrated.

"Well when you and mom left, Apache was left in charge of watching us. Everything was all fine until we got hungry. Since none of us have any cooking skills whatsoever we ordered pizza with your credit card. Somehow Apache, messes up the order and instead of two boxes we got twenty. We tried to eat all of it before came back home and get mad at us, but we could only eat so much. Apache then called us pussies and than began to eat the rest like the bottomless pit she was, until Mila-Rose came."

Starrk was now holding his chin with his eyes closed, thinking about how to kill sister-in-laws without getting any jail-time.

_"I could always dress as that on black dude and be all like "I'm RICK JAMES BITCH...Nah..."_**[1].**

"That's when everything started getting nasty, for as soon as Mila came in she saw Apache and called her a pig. Naturally being who she is Apache grabbed the nearest object and threw it. Unfortunately it just happened to be the $1,000 nuclear microwave, and it landed into the T.V just as I was about to beat the Labyrinth Zone of _Sonic the Hedgehog,**(A/N: Which all of you know is a god damn pain in the ass!). **_**[2].**Mila then picked up the vase and threw it at Apache, and that's where you came in."

Starrk turned around, they all thought he was trying to hide the tears that were coming from his eyes, but were a bit surprised when Starrk turned around a face that could have been easily mistaken for Ulquiorra's on him.

"Apache, is this true?"

"Let me put it this way. That was the best $300 I've ever spent. *BURP* you're excused." Apache smirked.

"And you wonder why I called you a pig..." Mila-Rose scoffed.

"Why-you TR-"

"Now, now Mila-Rose, all growing little boys need to eat to become strong and tall. From the looks of it you have been doing that a lot and she a little..." Starrk said, a slight smirk etched onto his face.

Apache and Mila-Rose sprang at Starrk who simply caught them by the collar and help them up to his level. The small smirk was no longer on his face; instead cold, hard anger was in its place.

"Alright listen up, and listen up good! You two pieces of shit better clean up this fucking place before Halibel comes back or you **WILL **be telling her about this! Also, YOU WILL PAY BACK ALL THE MONEY ON MY MAXED OUT CREDIT CARD! YOU WILL FIND ANOTHER ONE - OF - A KIND NUCLEAR MICROWAVE, AND YOU WILL **ESPECIALLY BUY BACK MY EXPENSIVE, BRAND, NEW STATE-OF-THE-ART 3D T.V. UNDERSTOOD!**" Starrk snarled coolly.

The two woman in question nodded their heads fiercely and began picking stuff off the floor, and putting them in a garbage bag. Starrk turned towards his three daughters.

"Loly, Menoly and Lilynette take a shower and get dressed before she comes home."

_"Before WHO comes home Starrk?" _

Starrk jumped around only to find to his horror his wife and third sister in law were standing right there.

"Oh SHIT."

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><p><strong><em>(AN: All right that felt good for a first chapter, I may even create more if you wonderful people review. Hey I need my nightly dose of encouragement.)_**

**[1]. _Who can guess where that reference came from?_**

**[2]. _Seriously, any of you who have played Sonic the Hedgehog and finally reached the Labyrinth Zone should know how hard it is. You can't go five-seconds without shitting yourself from hearing the drowning theme. I had half a mind to quit the game when I was on my last life..._**

**_~ The Epsilon Key_**


End file.
